I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
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would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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