my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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