no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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