i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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