Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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