ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
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I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
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PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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