Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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