Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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