I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize