Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
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