she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
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when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
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it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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