you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
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My boob is missing a layer of skin
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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