Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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