No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize