i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
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I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
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My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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