you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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