i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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