You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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