So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
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Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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