Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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