We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
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I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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