Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize