When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
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The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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