I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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