I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
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He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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