i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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