I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you had me at cake vodka
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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