she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize