Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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