dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
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