Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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