My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
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I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
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He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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