boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize