Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
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So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
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its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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