Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize