Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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