So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
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She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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