He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I AM VODKA MAN
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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