Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize