just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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