Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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