Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize