Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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