mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
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I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
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I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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