No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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