my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
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THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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