I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize