You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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