sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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