That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
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I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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