....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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